Mope

I've been very mopey these last few days. It's a combination of the usual hormonal insanity plus change, and I'm just not a big fan of change no matter how often it comes. Even if changes bring good things, I just tend to resist it and make myself miserable, wishing for things to stay the way they were, no matter how improbable it may be. I'm trying very hard to kick that habit, but I can't say it will be easy. I just ask that my friends understand where my insanity comes from and roll with it for a little while. You know me, I always even out in the end. :-)

In my neverending quest to get back to wedding day weight, I made carrot cake bars using a Cooking Light recipe I've been meaning to try out for about two years now. While I am suspicious of any carrot cake recipe that doesn't involve cream cheese frosting, I will roll with this and try it at lunch. If it's good, I'll post the recipe on Domestic Goddesses - that's the Martha blog after all!

I think this blog needs a picture of Duran Duran on it to cheer me up today.

Why stop at just one? Here's a yesterday/today kind of thing. Ahhh... so much better now.

Emmys Hilarity

A friend of mine sent me this link to Conan O'Brien's Emmy opening. Hilarious.

Multimedia message

Sometimes I really miss working in NYC. Little things like seeing this sweet mopey bulldog, being a quick walk or hop away from lunch with friends - it is an adjustment.

We're Doomed...

At least, that's what this pretty hilarious site thinks. Check it out.

Happy Birthday Boy

Alex had a great birthday yesterday, and the pics will come later. He got some toys and ran around like a psycho with big brother Will last night, and a lovely time was had by all. Now he eagerly awaits his birthday celebration with uncles Keith and Adam and aunts Nancy and Stacey. I figure this is the last year I could get away with having the quick 'n dirty family party at home, next year we're looking at McDonald's at the very least.

I still can't quite wrap my head around Alex being three. He's still a baby, at least I feel like he should be. They don't stay little long enough.

Don't get me wrong, I love that Will and I can kick back on the couch together and watch Who Wants to be a Superhero? and laugh like maniacs (I haven't watched last week's yet, waiting for Will to come home - so don't tell me who was eliminated!) and have an hour-long conversation about our favorite X-Men. But I feel like I didn't get to hold that squirmy baby for long enough. I miss the feeling his of their little heads resting on my shoulder at 4 a.m. when I'd burp them and watch Insomniac Music Theatre on VH-1.

When Will was at the height of his colic bouts, we stayed up and watched Donna Summer's comeback concert on VH-1 (I'm 35, I watch a lot of VH-1). I sang along while he screamed and I just told myself he was singing backup. By the time Donna was belting out her last encore, he was finally asleep and I felt like I had really accomplished something. I had gotten my colicky baby to sleep with no nervous breakdown. (Thanks, Donna!) I stayed up for another hour, just holding him and watching him sleep. His little mouth was half open and his eyelashes dusted his face, they were already so long and lush.

Alex and I would wake up for a little while, and I'd keep him curled in to me while I just sat awake, watching him in the moonlight coming through the window. He'd give a satisfied little sigh and push his head against me, falling back to sleep. Those are the moments we don't have long enough. Maybe that's why I appreciate them so much now.

The End of Summer is Nigh!

Alex is three today. How did that happen? I still remember waddling around Bookspan feeling him beat the tar out of me. And getting together with our friends on Friday nights, only to fall asleep on them by 9.

Mike and I were up last night frosting mini-cupcakes for his party at school this morning. Only thing was, we forgot to mention it to school on Friday so his teacher just called me up and said, "If I had known, I'd have told the parents." I started feeling bad, but he's 3 - and he's got cupcakes. I think we're all good. Plus, do I need more presents than I know he'll be getting? They'll sing, he'll eat cupcakes, life will be good. Because he's three.

Went to Michelle's birthday extravaganza at Barca 18 on Saturday night, which I highly recommend if you like Spanish food and/or tapas. It's on Park Avenue South between 18th & 19th and it really wasn't as expensive a night out as I feared. The food was awesome, the company was great, and I got to sit with David and Robb, which is a pretty good formula for a good evening. I even thought it may be fun for us to consider for the Sex & The City Girls' Night Out that Stacey and I have talked about for four years now.

I can't believe we're almost into September already. Man, time is going by faster than ever. Next thing I know, I'll have to worry about Christmas shopping.

Multimedia message

The bootie from hell!

It looks so unassuming. So cute... but this little sucker is giving me some grey hair. I have followed the instructions to the letter, and yet I keep getting this hole between where I shape the instep and where I continue on with the rest of the bootie. GRRRR!

Multimedia message

Pigeon on the windowsill!

How the heck did it get to be Mid-August?

I'm sitting here scratching my head in wonder. How is it that school is just around the corner(for both me and Will)? I still have half a reading list to get him through! I haven't lost all the weight in time for bathing suit season yet!

But yes, summer is rapidly coming to a close and that means that shorter days and cooler temperatures will be here before we know it. While I love Fall and Winter, the inevitable shortening of the days is sure to bring me down like it always does. I wish I could figure out a way to get past that.

Anyway. I finally finished some knitting projects - you know by now how horrible I am at actually sewing the projects up once they're done - this weekend. I met Karenala for a stitch & bitch at our Starbuck's on Queens Blvd and instead of starting yet another project, I brought stuff I needed to finish before I could move on.

So I finally finished my goddaughter's poncho, which I promised her roughly four months ago. Just in time for Fall, right? And I sewed up the little infant hat I made for Helene's pregnant friend, Helena, in Sweden. (Gab, if you're reading this, surprise! I'll be sending out a package soon!) Now I just have to find the three letters I've written to Helene while I was waiting to finish the projects for Helena. Good lord, I am a mess.

Pictures to come, I just have to pull them off the camera... who says I finally finish what I start?

Multimedia message

Mighty Will at the sprinklers in Russell Sage park.

Awesome, I geeked out and sent a pic from my phone. It's a couple of weeks old, but still cool. Thanks to Stacey for leading me into a new level of geekdom, hee hee.

I'm Back!

I haven't disappeared! I've been on vacation, glorious, vacation. Yes, it was 104 degrees in Virginia and mid-90s in Florida, but so was New York! And I wasn't working, I was in the swimming pool in my Dad's complex or at Busch Gardens. So I'll take it. I'll post more later, but for now... the boys.

Linda nominated this as her favorite picture, and I'm inclined to agree. I don't know what's funnier, the gorilla hanging out in the background (which is why I posed the shot like I did), or the hilarious faces on the boys.

It's root beer, don't call Child Services on me. But I still can't shake the nagging feeling that I'm looking about 15 years into the future...

Alex and Will enjoy a frosty (root beer) one on a hot day. It hit about 100 this day at Williamsburg, down from 104 the previous day.

More later.

More posting later... with pictures...

But in the meantime, I did the Google thing where you type your name and "needs" in (i.e., "Rosemary needs"), here's what I need lately:

- Rosemary needs a family! (thanks, got one, leaving soon to get home to them)
- Rosemary needs to ensure that current court authorizations for children using. psychotropic medication are maintained. (ummm... okay...)
- Rosemary needs to be spayed! (what the hell?)
- Rosemary needs shield from cold. (I do get cold really easily.)
- Rosemary needs full sun to partial shade, and a well drained area. (that helps, sure)
- Rosemary needs at least 6 hours of full sun every day. (definitely)
- Rosemary needs only occasional watering. (hence, the well-drained area)

Summer in the City...

..sucks. I'm marinating in my own juices at lunchtime, and it ain't pretty. Tasti DLite for two days' running serves as lunch because I'm just too hot and cranky to eat food.

But thankfully so far, my neighborhood has dodged the blackout/brownout bullet that seems to be plaguing some of the other Queens neighborhoods, Stacey's included. I feel like the axe is going to fall. Last night, the a/c wasn't putting much out in the way of cool air. But I shall keep the faith that Con Ed's wrath will pass us over. Should I paint freon on my door as a sign of my penitence?

Bleah.

It's freakin' hot. I went out to lunch - grabbed a Cookies & Cream Tasti D-Lite, took a little stroll as I ate (it wasn't so freakin' hot while eating Tasti D-Lite), got some iced coffee, and came back to work.

I feel like going wandering more. Or knitting. But I'm at work and don't know how it would go over, me busting out my knitting in my whopping four-person office.

So I'll do what I do best and obsess over my weight. Because I still feel like a cow. I stopped going to Weight Watchers because I was getting depressed - I'd stick to program for the week, work out, feel great about myself, and then weigh in and see nothing - no loss. In fact, sometimes I'd gain. I was getting nothing from the meetings after a point. And I was unbearable to live with after them, so I decided that for now, going to meetings is actually doing more damage that not going. So I am taking a break.

And feeling like some pathetic weight loss dropout.

Why the heck do I make a stupid number so damned powerful? Why do I wrap up my self-worth in a size of jeans? Because I'm female, probably. And because I've never been famous for my fabulous self-esteem.

I feel like crap about myself today. Moreso than normal. I'm tired of looking at myself in store windows, trying to gauge how fat I look today. Or looking at other women in the street and trying to figure out if I'm fat compared to them. I just want to stop and be okay with what I've got. I eat pretty well. I exercise often. That should be good enough, right? But no. And I can't make it right.

I was supposed to have my thyroid tested. I keep forgetting to go to the lab - I know I'm putting it off. Because if I get it tested and there's nothing wrong with my thyroid, that means that I'm a cow because I'm a cow, not because there's something wrong with me. I'm hoping there is actually something wrong with me - nothing life-threatening, just something that can explain why I can't get this weight off. And the prospect that there's nothing wrong with me that can cause this is almost unbearable.

I was going to do it today. Honest. And when I looked in my bag, it was the wrong paperwork. Crap.

Ummm... read it for yourself.

Thieves Steal 14-Foot Inflatable Sheep

Hip Hop Yoda!

This is hilarious. And apparently, somewhere on the Episode III DVD... I've got to find it.

Support ALL Books! My Friday WTF Rant

My friend Greg sent this to me and asked me to shout it from the rooftops - like I need an excuse to get on the soapbox?

My schpiel - pretty much everyone who knows me knows how I feel about the stuff you're going to read below, so I don't need to explain. Don't like gay books? Don't read them. Don't like gay people? It's really none of your business, unless you want people to start being concerned with what goes on in your bedroom.

When you start messing with books, you really piss me off. Think it's just gay books? Oh, keep reading then. Any Harry Potter fan worth their glow-in-the-dark wand will tell you that there have been Harry Potter book burning parties. Remember who else used to burn books? Little guy, dark hair, strange little mustache, yelled a lot? Oh, and killed over 6 million people for being different from what he thought was the 'right' way to be. 'Nuff said.

Outwrite Books, one of the best GLBTQ booksellers in the country, has come under attack in Atlanta by what I can only describe as a gang of Christian hoodlums who have no respect (gasp) for the Constitution.

I am sending books to support the store. I have posted this email on my blog and am sending it to every writer in my address book. I ask that you do the same.

When one voice is silenced, it becomes easier to silence others.

Sadly a group of some 15-20 anti-gay protesters have gathered in front of Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse, Atlanta, Ga., at least three Saturdays in a row, according to the Southern Voice. A few customers and activists have staged smaller counter-protests. A store e-mail said the protestors have vowed to demonstrate every Saturday through election day in November.

Owner Philip Rafshoon told the Voice that local police said the protestors have a right to free speech; he is seeking help from the city council. Besides its business impact, Rafshoon said he is concerned about a possibly
"volatile situation."

In its e-mail, Outwrite said, "We are grateful to everyone that flocked to the store during these demonstrations and showed these protestors that their fear tactics will not work in our community."

Peter Glassman of Books of Wonder in NYC was moved to write in: Forthright Support for Outwrite
Peter Glassman, owner of Books of Wonder, New York City, writes about an item in Monday's Shelf Awareness:

I was deeply disturbed to read about the protests being waged in front of Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse in Atlanta. It is clearly the intention of the protesters to intimidate would-be customers and so drive the store out
of business. Reading your article brought back so clearly to me a truly upsetting incident at Books of Wonder nearly 15 years ago when we were still on the corner of 7th Avenue and 18th Street.

A woman walked into the store and called out to us and the other customers how we were evil people for corrupting innocent children with our satanic literature. The books she was referring to as "corrupting" and "satanic" included My Father's Dragon by Ruth Stiles Gannett, A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula LeGuin, The Borrowers by Mary Norton, Half Magic by Edward Eager, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien, The Princess and the Goblin by George MacDonald and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. At first we all just stood there in silence, totally stunned by this bizarre occurrence. My initial reaction was to assume that
she was being ironic--surely no one in their right mind could object to these wonderful books? Then, realizing that she was serious, I marched over to her and evicted her from the store, stating to her in no uncertain terms
that she was never to come back and that she was the evil one for trying to stop children from experiencing these great books that would open their minds and imaginations to all the incredible possibilities that the universe
had to offer.

I'm happy to say that this was the one and only incident of its kind to ever occur at my store in the 26 years since I opened Books of Wonder. But I am also keenly aware that this sort of thing can happen to any of us at any
time.

That is why I am going to be contacting Philip Rafshoon and offering to send him a donation of books that he can give for free to any customers who come in when there are protesters outside. I want him to know that there are others in the bookselling community who stand behind him. I hope he'll put up a large sign letting people know they can get free books just for coming inside and defying the intimidation efforts of the protestors--regardless of whether they are straight, gay or whatever. Or he can give them to anyone willing to stand outside and counter protest. Or however he thinks best. I just want him to know he is not alone.

If we as a community do not stand up to this sort of harassment--even if it is legal--then none of us are safe. Before long every bookstore will have protesters out front demanding we stop carrying the books they don't agree with. It's one of the worst quandaries that free speech presents--that others can use their right to free speech in an attempt to censor others through intimidation.

I hope everyone in the bookselling community--booksellers, publishers, distributors, authors, and artists--will do what they can to show support against this threat to the right of bookstores to sell whatever they choose
to whomever they choose. If not, we may all wake up one day to find ourselves in a future all too close to the one George Orwell predicted.

Huzzah! I love book people!
Nicki Leone
Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance
nicki@sibaweb.com
www.sibaweb.com

Okay, I'm back and ready to rant. You read it right, folks. THE WIZARD OF OZ. THE HOBBIT AND LORD OF THE RINGS, written by a devout Catholic, J.R. R. Tolkien. You know, The Lord of the Rings? Where the wizard dies in a fiery battle with a demon from a pit, rises from the dead bathed in light and swathed in white? You may have heard that story somewhere else before...

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe? Who is this woman? C.S. Lewis - a contemporary of J.R.R. Tolkien - wrote more on the Christian religion than he did fiction. Did she even bother to read The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe? The lion is killed by the witch, but gets to rise from the dead because he was a pure soul making a sacrifice to save another? Where the humans are knows as Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve?

A Wrinkle in Time? WTF? Again, did she even bother to read these books before making these sweeping judgements? Probably not, I know - I'm being foolish again, expecting people to be educated on their topics before becoming so passionate about them. Or was shshe just freaking out at the prospect of kids reading a book where Hell is a place where they expect you to conform.

For Chrissakes, if you're going to be an idiot, at least educate yourself before opening your mouth. Has anyone actually read the Bible? Where rape, incest and murder are freely written about and praised? Where Lot's daughters decide to get their father drunk and have sex with him so they'll become pregnant and continue the family line? Where Lot tells the drunken mob at Sodom & Gomorrah that they can have his virgin daughters, but heavens to betsy, leave those poor visiting angels alone! King David - dude that hit Goliath with the lucky shot on the slingshot - sleeps with a married woman, gets her pregnant, and decides to avoid the sticky situation that would arise when her husband finds out - by having him murdered. Classy.

My point is not that we should be burning the Bible or banning the Bible. Nor should we be burning or banning Harry Potter (unless Rowling kills Harry off in Book 7 - then I'll light the first match) or Wanna Wrestle or any book. If frickin' Mein Kampf is still allowed to be in print, how dare anyone dispute a gay book?

Well Greg, if you're reading this, you opened up my personal can of worms. Enjoy. ;-)

Whoo hoo!

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

I'm addicted to these BlogThing quizzes.

Your Pimp Name Is...

Bootylicious Skillz

What's Your Pimp Name?

Yeeeeeaaaahhhh....

What Kind of Coffee Am I?

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

How do they know these things? I am, however, not cheap. Angsty, maybe, but not cheap.