Monday, October 31, 2005

Rita Skeeter & Mad Eye Moody

McGonagall & Tonks

So if you read my first post, the Hogwarts Halloween Prophet edition, you know that I have way too much time on my hands at work. :-)

Anyway - the party was so much fun. It was great to get out and be around friends and just laugh for a while. Mike glued my McGonnagall glasses to my cat mask with Krazy Glue right before we left, and the fumes from the glue were making my eyes tear. It was pretty funny, and Stacey kept telling me to take the glasses off, but I went outside for a while and let the air get to me. Stacey emphasized the importance of hot glue guns in situations such as these. She is the master crafter, I am but the learner.

Everyone put so much work into their costumes, and we just had a great time. Stacey and Rita as Tonks and Rita Skeeter had the greatest costumes, as you can see above. I loved Linda's Mrs. Weasley outfit, complete with apron and clock. I thought everyone looked great, though - even the Muggles. ;-) Mike's Muggle costume consisted of a t-shirt that said, "This is my costume," and his black jeans. Very exciting.

More pictures to come.

Would you let this faculty teach your children? - The Daily Prophet, Halloween Edition

The Hogwarts Halloween party was a blast. Muggles and the creme de la creme of wizarding society mixed freely as a Dementor served drinks at the bar; Tonks zapped the unsuspecting with her light-up wand; and someone even brought the portrait of Mrs. Black, who spent her evening screaming at 'filthy mudbloods and Muggles'. What a great time.

Mad-Eye Moody showed up with Rita - who ever thought the wizarding world would have seen a combination like that? We've heard that the Dementor in residence is in fact secretly romantically involved with Luna Lovegood - can you imagine that relationship? What fodder for future Prophet pages!. Mrs. Molly Weasley showed up on Hagrid's arm, so I guess all isn't going well for Mr. Weasley over at the Ministry. Harry and Hermione showed up together, so I guess Ron's out of the picture for now. Those poor Weasley boys, unlucky in love! Narcissa Malfoy and Remus also seem to be coupling - go figure! Tonks seemed remarkably okay, showing up in the company of the Sorting Hat - or maybe Tonks has just been pushed off the deep end.

Sometime during the evening, the Dark Mark appeared on an unsuspecting gourd - I personally lay the blame at Professor Snape's door. I mean, that whole horrible Dumbledore business went unmentioned that night, but we all have our suspicions.

I'm sure more news will be following from this gathering - stay posted!

Friday, October 28, 2005


I feel like an episode of Breaking Bonaduce. When the hell do things start to look up?

I think if I were really able to just let loose with one primal scream and maybe break a chair or two, I'd feel a lot better. My id is just straining to be let loose. I'm tired of crying at my desk, I want to have one Godzilla-like rampage and then, at least in my mind right now, I'll be okay.

Slim-Fast tastes good but the concept of it sucks. I want a frickin' English Muffin for breakfast. I want to chew. And the fact that for the past two nights, I've snarfed down two bags of fruit snacks must mean this isn't helping.

I know what I need to do. I just need to do it. But I'm so drained that I just sit on the couch, staying up way too late because I'm trying to fight the coming of the next day. And eat. Even when I'm not hungry. I journal for a half day if I'm lucky.

Where is the spark I had? When I used to wake up and be inside at 6:58, waiting for Denise Austin to start my day off with some "energizing yoga"? The days where I would bring an apple with me to an office birthday party because I didn't eat cake?

I hate that I've been whining like such a damned victim lately. This isn't me. But I also feel so down, so low, so helpless to stop it. I hate having to cry to my friends, so I do it here. Yeah, my friends read this, but it's just easier to be happier when we're together in person than sit and be this person who's so NOT me and suck the life out of our gatherings. I'm angry at myself for being so depressed but feel helpless to do much about it right now.

It's all I can do to not let it show in front of the kids. And I don't think I'm being terribly convincing, especially where Will's concerned. Dammit.

I haven't picked up my knitting needles or my beading stuff in days. I haven't touched my sewing machine in an age. I'm atrophying.

Why can't I just get mad?


Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Rosemary and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

I hate everyone and everything. I am combining PMS with a Slim-Fast desperation diet. That in and of itself should be a sign of the apocalypse.

I'm going through a lot of shit right now. I've just had words with my mom, who is also going through a lot of shit right now. She tells me that "things have to get better." I personally say, "fuck that." I want someone to be as fucking angry as I am, and to wonder with me when the fuck things are going to turn around. I don't want anyone to tell me 'it HAS to get better' because right now, in my heart, it's not going to. And I need to feel and work through the rage. And right now, when I really don't think I can possibly feel more alone, I need to be able to put all the unspeakable feelings I have into words. And those words are, "I want to get hit by a bus because if I off myself, insurance won't pay for it." That is how I describe how I feel. Am I going to step out into the middle of Houston Street and Broadway on a red light? What are you, fucking nuts? But to say it gets it off my chest, where it could fester like the bronchitis I'm also on Zithromax for right now.

So let's review - I'm not talking to my mother, I'm disgusted with all the recruiters that swear to Mike he is a shoo-in for the jobs that keep falling through, and I don't want to lean on my friends, who all have their own issues to deal with. I wish I could just crawl into a fucking hole with my kids and wait for all this shit to blow over.

I have cried every day on the way to work since my second day - and I cried on the way home from work on my first. Every morning, I stand to the side of the building and just steel myself before I can walk into the doors. And then as I wait for the elevator, I feel my shoulders slouch as I take on the surrendering pose. I'm still applying to jobs, but of course, no interviews.

I say fuck a lot now.

Did I mention that I wisely chose this week to start my diet of desperation? I'm into day three on Slim-Fast. Would you like to shoot me in the fucking eye or should I do the honor myself?
My neurologist took one look at me and said, "You need to defuse. What's going on in your life?" So my neurologist became my therapist, because my therapist only has office hours in my neighborhood once a week - and my insurance co-pay with this shitass plan is $75 a visit - which would require me to need even more fucking therapy. So I'm on my seizure meds for at least another year. She told me to call her in a year for my next checkup and we'll discuss.

I won't even go into the mess that my mom is dealing with when it comes to my stepdad.

I went to the doctor yesterday and he took my blood pressure. He pronounced it normal. I had him take it again because I couldn't believe it wasn't through the ceiling.

I think I need to go cry in the bathroom again, and await the arrival of the fucking locusts.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Lousy mood today. The weather doesn't help.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Augh... knitting issues...

Elizabeth's birthday is today, and I still haven't finished that blanket. Need yarn for it. Grrr. But I do have a fun purple scarf I knitted out of funky Boa yarn, so I'll give her that. I also got this Knifty Knitter knitting loom for her, which she should like. It's a pack of four different sized looms with spokes - it's kind of like spool knitting, actually - and she can wind the yarn around it, and use a special hook to pull the yarn over the spokes and knit that way. She's only 9 and she's high-functioning autistic, so I think this will be excellent physical therapy for her without the stress of not being able to get in sync with actual knitting yet (it took me 2 weeks just to learn how to cast on, and let's not talk about the knitting needles I bent in frustration along the way).

I still have to get back on track with that sweater that got all bizarre on me. I have to hunt down my old knitting guru's e-mail address and ask her.

Maybe I should just go back to knitting potholders... :-)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The MP3 Player is a truly wondrous invention!

So in a further illustration of how sadly hermit-like I've become, my mom bequeathed to me her 'old' MP3 player - she's upgraded. So I have finally stepped a baby toe into the new milennium and have an MP3 player. No iPod, but still quite adorable and tiny. I proceeded to scour the Internet for free MP3 downloads, since well... I'm cheap, okay? Anyway, I ended up mainly pulling songs off my CDs (okay - so Mike did, but I learned how to do it and can do it all by myself now) but I did get the new Depeche Mode single, 'Precious', and another new song, 'John the Revelator', off one site. Fantastic stuff, I can't wait to get the CD. I think I like 'John the Revelator' better than 'Precious', but they're both good.

Spent a half hour trying to figure out how to get Madonna's new one off her site. I forget, she doesn't give anything away for free anymore. Humbug. But the song is really good. I mortified my 6-year old by dancing in the living room the other night. Love that, especially when his 2-year old brother joined me.

Sticking to Points, burning through my FlexPoints but hey - I'm journaling them. So I'm still cranky. Feh.

Didn't knit last night, but I did finish my reader report reasonably on time.

I hate this blasted cough.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I'm cranky and sick and sleepy.

I'm just in a mood where I want to bitch and complain. It's being sick meets PMS, which is just a bad, bad combination. I'm too tired and depressed because I'm too tired to work out but hate the way I look. I know what I have to do to get rid of these last post-baby pounds, but to do them seems like this herculean effort from where I sit right now.

I remember I loved working out, loved finding all these cool, healthy low-point foods. Now I feel like "screw it, pass the Oreos." It's such a fight. And I know it's because I've been so damned depressed and on this emotional roller coaster since the beginning of the year.

I tell my friends to fight it when they feel like this. I am the biggest sham, because I can't fight it when I get into this mode. So who the hell am I? I can talk the talk, but fail miserably at walking the walk.

Next mood swing: 5 minutes, step right up...
Whoops! I was remiss...

The last E.B. viewing of Orlando Bloom was in Troy, not as an elf. But then again, with Eric Bana and Brad Pitt on the screen in tiny leather skirts, can you fault me for forgetting?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Ugh... sick again...

So I'm sick again... love the beginning of the school year.

Friday night was a blast, met up with some of the girls for dinner (LOTS of hummus with pita) and a showing of Elizabethtown, which was much better than I thought it would be. I'm not normally one for chick flicks, but the Estrogen Brigade needed an Orlando Bloom viewing (the last E.B. Bloom viewing was while he was elflike), so I went and had a great time. It was very funny, and I expect Stacey, Lauren and I to be muttering "Lovin' 24/7!" for a long time to come.

Of course, no evening out would be complete unless there were issues with the trains. At midnight. When I had to be awake and at Queens College for a conference at 9 the next morning. Nicole, Lauren and I finally got into Queens at almost 2 a.m., and I finally collapsed into bed a little after 2. But it was worth it, it was so much fun to get out.

Made it to the conference, a quick pilgrimage into Jersey to see Mom (which turned into an over night), and by Sunday I was full-blown sick. Sigh. Stayed in bed whiny and cranky yesterday, but I'm back in the land of the almost-living today.

I journaled all day yesterday - used only 7 flexpoints, which is incredible for me, especially when I'm sick and in full entitlement mode. You know - "I'm sick, so I am perfectly justified in eating this entire sleeve of Oreo's." Today, I've been pretty good - even journaled the 1/2 danish I had at my boss' birthday party. Six points - so much to throw away on something finished so quickly... but I journaled it. Blast it all. I am not turning 35 at this weight, and I am not giving away all my cute sundresses that I bought at the Ann Taylor Factory Outlet a couple of years ago. I can look good after two pregnancies, dammit!

I ripped out part of the wrap-around sweater I was working on - the directions just freaked me out. So I ripped down to just before the crazy shaping begins, and I think I'm going to enlist my old knitting teacher's help. So I'll post pictures shortly. The back is done, I'm working on the left front. It was going along just fine until the directions call for shaping one side on a slant - no problem - but the other side needed to be shaped according to the back's instructions, and I think things just got way out of hand because it started to resemble a pyramid of sorts. I was proud that I didn't freak out, rip the whole bloody thing out and bury my yarn as I have in times past. I must be maturing.

Still working on Elizabeth's blanket, but I need to get another skein of yarn to finish the last few panels and start stitching together. Maybe I'll run out at lunch and see if that store past Canal has the yarn I need.

I successfully beaded my first project yesterday! I strung faux pearls onto wire, used a ribbon to close the loops. It's simple but hey, it was my first project. I'll post a shot of that, too. Probably going to be part of my mother-in-law's Christmas gift.

So last night, I wanted to knit but something with no pressure, since I was hopped up on cold meds and waiting for the NyQuil to hit. I started yet another of my mini-sweaters. I got halfway through before I felt fuzzy and knew the NyQuil was calling me to my bed.

I've got lots of pictures I need to post before bed tonight...

I need coffee. See ya.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Mmmmm... Brownies...

Linda and I have been blogging back and forth about how we need to take a baking or cooking class at the Culinary Institute, so now I'm in the mood for brownies. Then she mentions that, since the bunch of us like to cook and bake so much, we should create a blog to share recipes on.

Voila! Since it is Friday and I'd rather elect for dental surgery than continue doing the mind-numbing work for which I collect a paycheck (for the time being), we now have a blog - Domestic Goddesses at Stacey, Linda, Lauren, and Nancy are all part of the gang, so you can expect posts from folks other than just yours truly. Having sampled each lady's culinary fare, I can safely say that there are going to be some good recipes up there - and maybe, just maybe, some play-by-play of each week's Iron Chef America (a very UN-guilty pleasure of mine!) if I have enough coffee coursing through my system.

Good Christ, it's only 3:16 p.m. Are the clocks broken? Perhaps daylight savings time has kicked in without my knowledge and I've actually lost an hour? I've gotta stop taking lunch at noon.

Weight Watchers - still trying to get the last 20 pounds off. It would be so nice to have a choice of clothing in my closet again.

So I started out GREAT this morning. Had my healthy yogurt kefir drink this morning (3 points), my coffee with creamer (2 flex points), and my bowl of frosted mini wheats (a girl needs some enjoyment in life) with a splash of skim milk (3 points).

And then I go to lunch. Japanese. Not too shabby - chicken teriyaki (6 points), 1/2 cup of rice (3 points). 3 spring rolls (gotta look that up, but I expect it ain't so pretty).

And now I'm going to Penelope with some of the girls tonight. There is macaroni and cheese to be had at Penelope. Sigh... tally up the flexpoints...

I'm getting this weight off. Maybe if I blog more about it, it'll happen. But I can't turn 35 and still be 1-2 sizes over what I 'should' be. I just have to break out of this funk I'm in. I've broken out of the knitting funk, now I have to get out of this one. Baby steps, baby steps.

I think having my friends and I blog each other has been a huge step out of the dark for me, like a helpful hand pulling me through. Sometimes, I just get lost for a little while. I get like a kid, where I just need to rest and then be guided again. Hopefully it won't be for much longer. But I do appreciate it when it's here.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Ugh... wet...

So... get to school tonight and it's pouring rain, and the doors to the building are locked. Apparently, since my class is in the Hebrew Building at NYU, the building is closed at sundown for Yom Kippur. Did they have the brains to post a sign for their shiska students that informed us of this? Of course not. We waited around for someone to show up and confirm what we had started to discuss among ourselves. My instructor came from Connecticut for this class, so she was mighty thrilled...

So I sloshed down to the train station at West 4th and came home. Soaked. On an air-conditioned train. Grrr. But there was chicken with black bean sauce and brown rice to be had when I got home, so my belly is warm and happy.

I was so happy that there was such lively conversation about my favorite TV show moments (of the moment, since there are way too many once I start thinking), that I'm going to put another one out there - what are your TV guilty pleasures? I know most of my friends are hip to my sad Judge Judy obsession (I record it every day so I don't miss it - love Time Warner and their magical DVR button), so that's my major one. But alas, there is more than Judge Judy in my television closet.

I have to see every episode of My Fair Brady on VH-1. I can't help it. The Surreal Life with that whole bunch was a car wreck begging to be observed. Omarosa versus Janice Dickinson? Please, don't bore me. You throw Chyna into a mix that includes Mini Me, Jane Wiedlin, a renegade Brady and some annoying rap chick among other goodies, we had the makings of TV history. I have never seen an episode of America's Next Top Model in my life and have no intention on ever doing so, but the Adrianne Curry/Christopher Knight thing was insane. The show is so horrible it's awesome.

Okay, I've shared my dark secret with you - your turn.

Friday, October 07, 2005


Definition - when you no longer converse with your friends via telephone, human contact, or even e-mail, but through posting on each other's blogs. ;-)

Linda is in a snit over Gilmore Girls, and Stacey has joined in. Alas, I can do naught but stare dumbly at the computer screen. I have to wait until the new season of 24 starts before I go apopleptic. My poor husband and friends are all too familiar with my ranting and raving as those damned digital numbers flash at the end of every episode, leaving me hanging yet again.

But Stacey brought up a really good point (Stacey, pardon me while I paraphrase): we really relate to what we see played out on the screen and the older we get, the more life experience we gain, the more we end up relating to these different characters and their situations.

So in the spirit of the above statement, here are the top 5 shows/episodes that caused the biggest emotional reactions (moved me either to tears, laughter, insanity, or both):

1) Six Feet Under - All Alone
I've blogged about this one already. Nate's funeral episode on Six Feet Under left me an emotional wreck. Anything that involves mothers and children, especially sons, is going to destroy me to begin with, but this episode was just brutal. Ruth washing her dead son's head, taking care around the scars, just lost me. I stared at my sleeping kids for a long time that night.

2) 24 - Season 2, 5 - 6 p.m.
Holy crap, when Marie shoots Reza and I realized that this sweet little All-American girl is the one aiding the terrorists, and those damned digital numbers came up at me, Mike thought I was going to have premature labor. I lost my mind.

3) Sex & The City - The Post-It Always Sticks Twice
The episode before ended with Berger breaking up with Carrie on a Post-It note. "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me." This is the aftermath, and it's damned funny. The dialogue between Carrie and Berger's friends at the club, Bed, is a must-see for any woman who's ever been single and dissed. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cringe with recognition.

4) Sex & The City - An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)
Come on - it's got everything all wrapped up. Everyone wins here, and it just feels nice. And you find out Big's name!

5) Battlestar Galactica (the new one), Kobol's Last Gleaming
First off - I am all about old school BSG. I have the Cylon head original series box set and my original Moffet the Daggit action figure. I have the books Richard Hatch co-wrote with Christopher Golden. But here, I am talking about the new series, which Mike finally browbeat me into watching - and I instantly became hooked. The season one finale has Sharon (the new Boomer - apologies to Herb Jefferson Jr.!) firing her weapon into Adama falling onto a console and bleeding all over it and Apollo (Lee Adama) crying out, "Someone get a doctor. Get Doc Cottle! Oh, dad..." Fade to black. Begin Rosemary's screaming fit.

TIE: Six Feet Under - The Room/The Trip
In The Room, A widower takes up residence in the Fisher funeral home to make sure his wife's funeral is done right. At the end, he is discovered still next to her casket, and he's gone. He died right next to her.

The Trip - the 'corpse of the week' this time is a baby who dies of SIDS. David is trying to comfort the parents during their intake and says that a funeral is a good way of helping the family say goodbye. The baby's mother says, "I don't want to say goodbye - he just got here." When I could finally collect myself enough to stand, I poked both my sleeping kids just to make sure. A lot.

Those are the ones that come to mind first, but I'd love to hear yours. Post 'em!