Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I Have Questions Today...

With the Moussaoui trial front and center everywhere you look, I've got lots of questions. But I don't think there are any answers:

- I know you're a lawyer and sworn to defend, but how do you try to convince a jury that this guy deserves to live? How can you be a defense lawyer to a terrorist who smiles during the distribution of pictures of charred bodies and body parts from that day? Who shouts "Burn all Pentagon next time!" and "God curse you all, God bless Osama!" repeatedly throughout his trial? How can you look at yourself in the mirror? Or maybe they don't.

- Do we give this guy the death penalty and let him think he's going off to his 72 black-eyed virgins, or do we decide to let him live and lock him up for the rest of his life? One way, he's a martyr; the next, the taxpayers get to support him. (Unless someone finds a way to sneak him into general population by 'accident' - in which case, he's worm food.)

- Does anyone else read these articles - especially about the playing of the Flight 93 recorder at the trial - and feel their chest tighten up, like you're in the plane with them? Because I can't get the fear these people must have felt (or a fraction, because I can't even imagine to be honest) out of my system; it just takes over.

I just have this horrible feeling that this won't be over. Not the trial, the horror. It's going to dull for some, I'm sure, but I think it'll always be with us.

Are there any answers? Or is this just one of those things that has no answer, it's just there and what makes you crazy after a while is the realization that none of it makes any sense and none of it has any answer. It's completely without reason or logic and that's what causes the chaos in my brain, because I need for things to be tied up to go on. Mike always tells me that if I just started accepting that sometimes, things don't have closure or don't make sense, I'd be a lot calmer. White it's nice in theory, in practice I just can't wrap my brain around it.

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